如何重新認識“未知”?

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未知


當我問未知會令人感到什麼時,爸爸很快搶答:恐懼。弟弟還在思考這麼簡單的問題,我姐提出來一定是有陷阱。接著,我簡單說明用意後,要大家再答一遍…

未知讓人感到_______? 看到這句話,你腦海中第一反應是恐懼嗎?除此之外,還能接什麼心情呢?

最近在上的教練課中,花了三天時間探討語言、情緒與身體的慣性反應,以及三者之間的關係。所謂慣性反應,就是指當你聽到某些字或說出某些詞、語句之後,會下意識的聯想到某些概念、觀念、甚至是信念。這樣的慣性反應,也適用於情緒以及身體反應。

我不想在文章中長篇論述去談慣性反應,因為要頭腦理解一個概念,只需要動手Google一下,但要生理、心理都理解一個概念,則需在生活點滴中不斷覺察、發現、頓悟。拿慣性反應這件事來說,約莫十年前就有很多書籍、電影在這個概念上大作文章,用各種角度談何謂慣性反應,以及慣性反應對人生決策造成的影響。但是當你把視線從這些媒介轉移,仔細觀察身邊的人甚至自己,仍然會不斷發現某種慣性反應正在運作。

未知令人感到恐懼

這句話聽起來很熟悉,尤其當你不曾停頓去懷疑它的時候,聽著聽著也就自然會說出口了。然而,當你仔細感受未知,甚至回想過去在未知狀態下體驗到的結果,真的都只有恐懼嗎?

對此,我為這句話做了個小實驗,在兩週一次的 “家人情感交流會”中提出來,觀察我的家人們有什麼反應。實驗結果發現,爸爸聽到這句話後很快搶答:恐懼。弟弟停頓在思考這麼簡單的問題,裡面到底有什麼陷阱,結果還是回答恐懼。接著,我簡單說明用意後,要大家再答一遍。這次爸爸慢慢回憶、感受未知這個詞,說出:恐懼、好奇。弟弟邊思考邊出:想逃避、沒安全感。最後,他們反問我的答案。

我給出兩組天壤之別的回應,每組回應對我來說是層次上的由淺至深,兩組回應也都是我真實體驗過的心情:

第一組: 恐懼 – 逃避/想掌控 – 壓力 – 憤怒 – 不耐煩…

第二組:新鮮 – 好奇 – 有想像力 / 創造力 – 期待 – 愉悅…

未知令人感到什麼?這句話不應該是個對與錯的智力問答題,而是個回應人生不同體驗的開放式填充題。因為如果未知只能令人感到恐懼、害怕、逃避,那麼這個世界就不會有創造,或者再試想有多少創造的本身就是未知?

未知讓你感到什麼呢?在計畫全被打亂的2020年,讓我們細細品嚐未知帶來的酸、甜、苦、辣,覺察這些感受為你的思緒以及未來記憶中產生的作用。在後疫情時代來臨之前,邀請大家一起善用2020年的延滯,停下腳步先觀察自己看待世界的方法,再重審那些或許已不再適用的思緒、觀念、情緒。

與我們一起探索,歡迎加入Women’s group.

與我單獨探索,歡迎進入網頁預約

Spouse Visa extension (Submission in March 2020)

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I received FLRM decision letter via email on 18/06/2020 stating my application has been granted. Looking back the process, it has been quite a journey. Therefore, I am writing to provide all the details of my journey to support those who are in the process of this application. Please note all information here are only my personal experience, hence subject to only my case.

Before I start, a few notes I would like to make here:

– I submitted property rental income to meet financial requirement. See requirements below

– I was fortunate enough to not delay my biometric appointment, therefore, my timeline might be faster than application under lockdown restrict.

– If you have submitted your application and done biometric collection for more than 8 weeks ( like my experience), then you might want to call UKVI as it will possibly accelerate your decision letter. UKVI number: 0300 123 2241 (Mon-Thu, 9:00-16:45; Fri, 9:00-16:30).

– My aim was to over prepared in case any missing documents happened and my original BRP was about to expire on 19 April 2020.

Step 1 – Read the general information and start to fill in your application, via here.

Before you ‘submit’ the application in the final page, you are always allowed going back to previous pages and amend it. However, you have only 30 days to keep all the information filled in the application before submission.

Step 2 – Gathering your documents, scan and upload all the documents to UKVCAS website.

Once you submitted the online application, the website will show you how to register in UKVCAS. Just follow the steps, then you will have your own UKVCAS account which you can login multiple times to upload documents. The deadline of uploading documents will be the day of your biometric collection appointment (This might be slightly different within Covid-19 policy).

When uploading, the size requirement of each document is 6MB, if your document is too big, you can compress it via here.

Timeline: Standard service

6 March – submission

18 March – Biometric collection

27 April – Received email from FLRMvalidate to inform delay decision due to Covid-19

10 June – Called UKVI to address my situation

12 June – Received an email from Home Office to inform visa granted

Q&A

Do I need to provide original bank statement?

I used e-statement for proof of resident, but mostly original statement for proof of income.

What is housing standards?

I live in the flat owns by my husband, so to be safe I should submit a letter from a housing authority or building society. But I didn’t ( I took a risk on this as I didn’t feel safe to have someone visiting under Coronavirus pandanmic). If you are considering meeting the house stardards, please see requirement as below.

What will happen if you call UKVI to request visa update?

They will ask whether you have make this request before. If not, they will ask for your name, date of birth, nationality, mobile number, submission and biometric day, email, reference number (in application form) to put in their computer. Then you will wait for an email to explain what happened. Hopefully followed by a decision letter within 3 working days.

Do I need to write supporting letters for each category?

I recommend to do this as it gives an overview to your case worker to better understand how you meet the financial, accommodation, relationship, and development of partnership requirement.

To receive my checklist

The categories are named in terms of UKVCAS uploading page, please click follow as below so that I can sent you the all document. (p.s. Please feel free to email me if you haven’t received my document after 3 days of subscribtion.)

Good Luck!

Please like, share or make a comment of this article if you find it helpful. Thanks.

This article was first published on 18/06/2020

如何認識月經? – 好書推薦

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推薦給女生、家有女孩的父母、想了解女友經期的男生!

這本書是馬克先生在Amazon上面買的,起因是他每次都忘記我月經期會情緒起伏較大,吵架需要避開這段期間。買了這本書後,他要我在感到月經來前,把它放在馬克先生桌上。紅紅的書上寫著大大的 ‘Period’,似乎真的有幫助到他記得這件事。

本書作者是Natalie Byrne ,於2018年初版,因此書中給的資訊很符合現代女性的需求。

這本書很適合所有年紀的女生閱讀,尤其除了健康教育課教過的以外,就沒有更多自我生理了解的女生。書中完整的從生理構造到心理現象進行說明,並提供各種照顧經期、經痛的選擇。

此外,對於家中有女孩的家長,如果不知道怎麼教女孩面對月經這個議題,那麼本書也是個很好的選擇。本書提供手繪版的圖解,包括:各種生理構造、經期中的生理變化、體內器官在生理期的互動及反應、衛生棉的不同選擇以及使用方法…等。還有普遍對女生性器官以及月經的常見誤解,這部分更是我認為家中有女孩的家長,必須有的重要知識,可以幫助女孩從小學會如何善待自己的身體。

最後,不懂女生為什麼經痛、如何照顧或陪伴經期的女友、不太了解女生性部位的另一伴們,也可以通過本書更了解對方的身體,在具備更完善的理解上與對方相處。

三大推薦原因整理

1. 本書完整的涵蓋月經有關的議題,包括:身體構造、經期的生理及心理現象、經期可使用產品及詳細使用方式(除了衛生棉與棉條外的選擇)、如何從各方面照顧自己,不再經痛。

2. 每個議題最後,會說明常見誤解,例如:’Hymen can’t be broken when losing your virginity’ (處女膜並不會因為初次性愛就破掉)。

3. 除了很完整的說明月經之外,內容大多以手畫圖片搭配文字呈現,容易閱讀。此外,書中提供的所有方法(像是如何降低經痛),都非常具有實踐性,不需大費周章去改變整個人生。

一個注意事項

內容全英文如下圖,但是幾乎都有圖解做說明。對於英文有強烈抗拒的讀者,請另尋途徑。

祝大家展書愉快!